Well, shit. I'm bored. Whoduthunk that after months of complaining about being overwhelmed by the tsunami of information that is medical school and Boards studying, I'd be bored after a week of vacation? Sad, just sad.

There are extenuating circumstances. One, I'm out of money until my next loan installment on July 6th. And not a lot of activities in today's society are free, so there's that. Two, I'm without vehicle. My parents visited Shane and I in Maryland last weekend, and my Dad took my car back to NY for a week to give it a once over (there is NOTHING like a father's love for his daughter, is there? No wonder women have such a hard time being content in relationships... if they're lucky, their fathers treated them like princesses, and no man can compete with that! :-)). So, I'm house-bound. And there's only so much cleaning, so much organizing, so much reading a girl can do before she starts to get stir crazy. And I'm there. I'm stir crazy.

I've been occupying my couch-time with somewhat educational activities, though. PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME, but I've started reading my book for my up and coming OB-Gyn rotation. I figure a leg up will do me good in the long run. I've also been pouring through the NY Times website like a wild woman, trying to become current on the goings-on of the world, most of which I've been oblivious to for the last, oh, eight or nine months (Obama got voted into office?!?! Just kidding... :-)). I've developed an interested in the current debates on health care reform. Its an INCREDIBLY complex issue, and my knowledge of all of its facets is humble, at best. But I'm trying to become better informed. It does, after all, concern my immediate future.

Despite my excitement about rotations, I'm becoming nervous, too, and not for the reasons you might expect. I'm worried... God, this is horrible to admit.... but that I'm not going to LIKE it. That's particularly terrifying when you think about the time and money I've invested in the career path, and although I've had tons of clinical experience over the years, those roles are going to be distinctly different than the role I step into on July 6th, as part of the medical team. What if, despite thinking I know what I'm getting into all these years, I truly don't? What if I've romanticized the role of physician, and the reality is much different? What if I become disillusioned by the system early? WHAT DO I DO THEN? Nearly 150K in debt, seven years invested..... what if I find out all of it has been for nothing, because, SURPRISE, I find I don't want to be doctor anymore? And I can't really picture myself doing anything else, so what then?

It's a terrifying conflict, one I'm afraid isn't going to resolve itself easily. I have a sense part of me will always be questioning the path I've chosen, maybe because it's my nature, or maybe because the nature of the profession and its demands of you.

At any rate, it will be an interesting few years.