*sigh*

Its Saturday evening, and I'm plopped on the couch with a bottle of wine surrounded by three snoring, full and farty dogs. Its lovely. :-) I'm puppy-sitting for my downstairs neighbors tonight. Its actually kind of a wonderful arrangment- when I go out of town, they watch my dog, and when they go out of town, I hang out in their apartment watching theirs! (not in my apartment- I don't think my roommate would take to kindly to having three dogs running around peeing on things and terrorizing her cat.)

I'm currently on Psychiatry at Loyola. And I hate it. I mean, passionately, and it gets more annoying each day. :-) Its like humans trying to force some measure of understanding over something as complex as the human psyche by attaching labels to it and trying to categorize it using seemingly arbitrary criteria from the DSM-IV. You should see this thing- for example, diagnosing schizophrenia requires you have a certain number of the characteristic symptoms, and if a patient does not meet those criteria, they're often diagnosed with this catch-all 'psychosis not otherwise specified." What a bullshit diagnosis that sounds like, and yet I would say a good third of the patients I've seen carry that diagnosis. So few of the patients fit into the specific criteria of these diseases, that it makes me wonder how they can be so widely accepted.

And another thing- there's so many psychiatric diagnosis that are so close to the realm of normal, that it seems like everyone I know would fall into some category or another. Yes, its acknowledged that all of psych, normal and pathologic, falls on a spectrum, and that all of us share some characteristics with the crazies. But some of the diagnosis seem so damn flimsy. Like the big diagnosis like depression and schizophrenia, absolutely, I understand, as requiring intervention and medication. But the personality disorders, for example, seem just silly to me- calling someone who does drugs and has been in prison for 50% of their life 'antisocial'. I don't know about you, but where I come from we call those types of people "assholes". "Dickhead" and "drag on society" should be in the DSM-IV. I'm empathic as the next guy, but come on now. :-)

It is really educational in the sense that its teaching me to deal with difficult patients. The other day I had to interview this homeless alcoholic guy who was going through withdrawal. We started the interview with him screaming at me that I "should have chosen a different major in college, like being a pain in the ass'" but by the end of it he was apologizing for being a jerk. Felt pretty good about that. :-) I need to kick up the studying pretty soon here, though, because I only have 3 weeks until the exam, and I'm going to get my ass kicked if I don't quit slacking.

The other (obvious) big influence on my life right now is Shane's deployment to Afghanistan. He left on Tuesday, and only just in the last couple of days got to his final destination and settled in. They're already working him like crazy, but I think its good for him, keeping him busy. From his description of his what his job was going to entail, I think he's really going to enjoy it once he adjusts and falls into a routine. In the meantime, I'm trying to adjust and to find a routine myself. I'm doing alright, but despite the fact that we were long distance to begin with, the differences are obvious and this is certainly more difficult. First of all, we haven't actually been able to talk since he left- all of our communication has been via e-mail. And the time difference- its almost twelve hours ahead there, so even the e-mails and responses are difficult to time. I also didn't realize how much time I had devoted to phone conversations with Shane each night until now- I find I have way too much free time on my hands! I wish I could say that I've been devoting it to studying, but mostly its been watching Dexter Seasons 1 and 2. I need a hobby LOL. Probably the most difficult thing to learn, for me, has been how to be supportive rather than the supportee. Its terrible to admit, but these last few years of medical school have made me a bit selfish- I'm the one whos stressed out and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I'm the one in need of comfort and support, and Shane has been my rock. Now the tables are turned, and I need to suck up any stress or frustrations and support him, be his rock. Again, I'm ashamed to admit that its even an issue- I'm not a bad person, I just think relying on him so heavily is a habit I've fallen into and now need to break. And I'm trying so hard, I am...... I just hope I can keep it going.

Wedding planning is going ridiculously well. Its a year and a half away and already 80% planned. I don't know why I've thrown myself into it so heavily- maybe I find planning in general... well, relaxing, soothing. Maybe its simply an activity that can substitute studying thats just productive enough to dupe me into believing I'm not procrastinating anything. :-)

On that note...... writing a blog is NOT deceiving me into thinking I'm being productive, so I think I need to end it here.

Have a great rest of your weekend. :-)